Secret Agent James: The Real Story of Cleveland's Failure

This is the true story of what happened during the Cavs-Celtics series which caused Lebron James to stop playing like himself. It is severely classified, and those who do not wish to hear the disturbing truths which are being concealed by the government should stop reading now. For those who wish to know the truth, hit the jump.

May 8th,  4 PM. The White House, Washington D.C.

The phone in the oval office beings to ring, which is answered assertively by the President.

Obama: This is the president, how may I help you

Phil Jackson: Hello Mr. President, it's been far too long

Obama: Jackson, you son of a bitch! What are you up to this time!? You already caused the oil spill off of the Gulf Coast after you had Ron Artest set off that bomb on the ocean floor, what more damage can you do to the world?!?

Phil Jackson: Oh, but I'm just getting started Mr. President. The next trick I have up my sleeve will be my biggest feat yet!

*Jackson presses button and the tv in the oval office turns on*

Obama: Oh my god...no you're a madman Jackson, but this is too far, even for your dastardly standards!

Phil Jackson: Muahahaha, yes it is my greatest plot yet! Behold my Kobe Meteor!

Obama: You're insane! You'll destroy the earth! You'll die too though! Why would you do this?!?

Phil Jackson: Because it is the only thing that would have any purpose anymore. I have already won enough championships to be considered the greatest coach in NBA history; bedded the most beautiful women in the world, gained enough wealth to buy out Microsoft 5x and have brought entire countries to their knees. This world bores me now, and thus must be destroyed.

Obama: You monster! I won't let you get away with this!

Phil Jackson: Oh, but I already have Mr. President...I already have *Hangs up*.

Obama:*calls super secret number* Get me Lebron James

Meanwhile in Cleveland...

Lebron: *Talking to team* Alright guys, we are on good footing. We are 2-1 in the series right now and we crushed the Celtics in the last game. Tomorrow night we'll do the same before finishing the series in Cleveland.

*Phone rings*

Lebron: *Answers phone* Hello

Obama: Lebron. This is the President of the United States of America. We have a code white emergency. We need you to come in.

Lebron: Dear god...but my team...the championship..

Obama: I'm afraid you will have to cause your team to get knocked out of the playoffs. You country is depending on you...nay..the world is depending on you

Lebron: It's Jackson again isn't it. That son of a bitch! Every year he pulls a stunt to cause me to lose in the playoffs. What vendetta could he have against me?!

After losing 3 games in a row, the Cavs are eliminated, allowing for Lebron to take a shuttle into space where he confronts the Kobe Meteor head on.

Lebron: This is for EARTH!!!!

After returning to earth, Lebron meets with the president in the oval office.

Obama: Son, the world owes you a debt which it cannot repay. You sacrificed the inevitable championship you would have won in order to save the world. Only your skills could have destroyed the meteor, and now thanks to you the world will see another day.

Lebron: Thank you Mr. President. However, I don't know if I can ever face the city of Cleveland again. I've let them down far too many times. It just doesn't seem fair to allow one fanbase to have that much heartbreak.

Obama: I know what you mean, which is why i've set it up for you to be reassigned to one of these 3 locations.

*Puts down 3 folders onto the table. Los Angeles, New York and Chicago*

Obama: I hope you make the right choice

Lebron: I always do Mr. President...I always do