Big Ben: Big Douchebag

Ben Roethlisberger may be the biggest douchebag in the NFL. He may even be Satan. Reasons why after the break.

It all starts with his personality. On the field and off the field Big Ben thinks he is indestructible. He's like a 16 year old teenager behind the wheel of Daddy's Corvette, he just doesn't think he can be hurt. This is evident in his reckless play on the field while playing the most important position in football.

Not only is he stupid enough to hold onto the ball and run around thinking he is Mike Vick while he has a non-existent offensive line, he is also stupid enough to think he is invincible to the rules of the human body. His first off the field problem was when he hit a car with his crotch rocket small Asian man's motorcycle. Of course Mr. Invincible wasn't wearing a helmet at the time because who needs helmets when riding a BIKE THAT GOES 200 MILES PER HOUR. He also "forgot" to even get a valid motorcycle license. That's right, this asshole got into an accident with no helmet OR license. That might not be so bad for a normal person, but considering he is being paid millions of dollars to NOT get hurt this whole ordeal was pretty ridiculous.

Okay, so Big Ben is a stupid and reckless 16 year old mid-pubescent boy. That isn't anything to hate him for. It's actually a good reason to pity him. His story doesn't end there; as we all know, 3 years later he was involved in a sexual assault case after a Lake Tahoe Celebrity Golf Tournament. The accusation was that he made a false claim about a problem with his hotel room TV in order to get a hotel employee he met the day before to come up to his room. When she found out nothing was wrong she claims she tried to leave but Ben blocked the door, grabbed her and started to kiss her. The woman claims she suffered physical and emotional harm from the alleged attack. It was revealed later that this woman was merely a common whore. Even though the whole attack could have been false, it was once again reckless and idiotic for Ben to put himself in such a situation.

Fast forward to the present and Big Ben is at it again. On March 5th the 28 year old creep was hanging out at a local college bar most likely hitting on poor 18 year old freshmen girls. That could be because he is the most hideous man in the world, or it could be because he is a dumbass. This incident is probably a good combination of both. This time he was in the women's bathroom, which is creepy enough, with this 20 year old girl. She claims assualt, Ben claims her head injuries are because she "slipped and fell." Okay Ben, we ended up believing you after the first one but now after multiple accusations we are starting to see a trend. You are the most idiotic quarterback in the NFL. That's right, you even surpass the stupidity of Vince Young, the child who infamously scored a 6 out of 50 on the Wonderlic. If you don't know what the Wonderlic is you can take some practice tests here. In a nutshell the Wonderlic is a 4th grade equivalency test.

So, we have now established that Ben is a reckless, idiotic, 16 year old boy who likes to touch young girls. Now let's see why he could be Satan.

The NFL is a proud participant in the Make a Wish Foundation. They pride themselves on making the wishes of children with life threatening medical conditions come true since 1980. The NFL has been apart of this for as long as I can remember. That's all fine and dandy until you enlist Big Bastard to "make a wish." If your wish is to have  cystic fibrosis and then get blown off by a Make a Wish participant then Congratulations! That's what Ben did a couple of years ago. The family didn't want to make a big news story out of it in order to protect their child. Seriously, I don't even think Hitler could have blown off a Make a Wish kid, unless they were Das Juden. Big Ben is worse than Hitler. One of the stories of this event can be found here. My favorite comment is from a user named Fattyslick- "In Ben’s defense, it would have been pretty awkward to make that little girl’s wish after he raped her." I want to pay this guy to write jokes.

I honestly don't understand how a good school like Miami of Ohio let this fool into their system. They won't make that mistake again.